HORRORscopes for the week of Oct 9, 2023

Aries: Brace yourself for a month of relentless frustration, dear Aries. Your natural impatience will be put to the test as everything you attempt seems to hit a brick wall. Remember, failure is just a stepping stone on the path to mediocrity.

Taurus: This month, your stubbornness will reach new heights, Taurus. Your refusal to adapt or compromise will lead to countless arguments and missed opportunities. Congratulations on maintaining your status as the most inflexible sign of the zodiac.

Gemini: Prepare for a month of overwhelming indecision, Gemini. Your ability to see every side of an argument will leave you paralyzed with confusion. Remember, it’s better to have no opinion at all than to constantly waver between contradictory viewpoints.

Cancer: Your oversensitivity will be your downfall this month, Cancer. Every innocent remark will be taken as a personal attack, leading to unnecessary emotional turmoil. Instead of wallowing in self-pity, try developing a thicker skin. It might save you some tears.

Leo: Your insatiable need for attention will be met with disappointment this month, Leo. Your grand plans and dramatic gestures will go unnoticed, leaving you feeling unappreciated. Perhaps it’s time to acknowledge that you are not the center of the universe.

Virgo: Your perfectionist tendencies will reach new heights of annoyance this month, Virgo. Your obsession with details will drive everyone around you crazy. Remember, sometimes good enough is actually good enough. Embrace imperfection for once in your life.

Libra: Brace yourself for a month of endless indecisiveness, Libra. Your inability to make even the simplest choices will drive everyone around you insane. Perhaps it’s time to flip a coin or consult a magic eight ball. It couldn’t hurt.

Scorpio: Your paranoia will be your closest companion this month, Scorpio. You will read into every word and gesture, convinced that everyone is out to get you. Newsflash: the world doesn’t revolve around you, so take a deep breath and get over yourself.

Sagittarius: Prepare for a month of unrealistic expectations, Sagittarius. Your desire for constant adventure and excitement will leave you perpetually unsatisfied. Remember, the grass is always greener on the other side because it’s fake.

Capricorn: Your pessimism will reach new heights this month, Capricorn. Your gloomy outlook on life will be a real buzzkill for those around you. Instead of constantly preparing for the worst, try embracing a little optimism. It won’t kill you, I promise.

Aquarius: This month, your rebellious nature will lead you down a path of constant frustration, Aquarius. Your refusal to conform will isolate you from those around you. Oh, how noble it must be to be the one person left standing against a world of fools.

Pisces: Brace yourself for a month of emotional turmoil, Pisces. Your tendency to overthink and overanalyze every situation will leave you exhausted. Perhaps it’s time to stop swimming in the depths of your emotions and start living in the real world.