Aries: This week, Aries, you’ll have the chance to burn bridges with not just one, but two friends! Your aggressive nature will shine through as you make reckless decisions without thinking of the consequences. But hey, at least you’ll have a momentary ego boost, right?
Taurus: It’s going to be a slow and uneventful week for you, Taurus. Don’t expect any exciting changes or opportunities to come your way. Just keep plodding along, being stubborn as always. Maybe one day you’ll realize that life requires a bit more effort than just being a couch potato.
Gemini: Oh, Gemini, you’re in for a whirlwind of confusion this week. Your indecisiveness will reach new heights, leaving everyone around you frustrated and annoyed. Don’t worry, though, because you’ll find a way to blame it on someone else. Just remember, being two-faced isn’t a good look on anyone.
Cancer: Prepare yourself for a week full of emotional turmoil, Cancer. Your mood swings will be off the charts, leaving your loved ones wondering if they should invest in earplugs. Try not to drown in your sea of self-pity and find a way to focus on something other than your own melodramatic existence.
Leo: Attention-seeking Leo, this week your need for validation will be at an all-time high. You’ll go to great lengths to make sure everyone knows how amazing you are, even if it means stepping on a few toes. Just remember, no matter how loud you roar, it won’t make up for your lack of substance.
Virgo: Your perfectionist tendencies will be on full display this week, Virgo. You’ll find fault in every little thing, including yourself. Don’t worry, though, because the world won’t come crashing down if everything isn’t done to your exacting standards. Take a deep breath and try to loosen up a bit.
Libra: Indecisive Libra, this week you’ll struggle to make even the simplest choices. From what to wear to what to eat, every decision will feel like an impossible burden. But don’t worry, because nobody really cares what you choose anyway. So go ahead, flip a coin and blame fate for your lack of conviction.
Scorpio: Trust issues will plague you this week, Scorpio. You’ll be suspicious of everyone’s motives, even those closest to you. It’s time to take off that detective hat and give people the benefit of the doubt. Otherwise, you’ll end up pushing away all the people who actually care about you.
Sagittarius: Your wanderlust will be stronger than ever this week, Sagittarius. Unfortunately, you’ll be stuck in the same old routine, daydreaming about faraway lands instead of actually doing anything to make your dreams a reality. But hey, at least you have Google Earth, right?
Capricorn: Your ambition will be at an all-time low this week, Capricorn. You’ll find it hard to muster the motivation to do anything other than binge-watch your favorite TV show. Just remember, success doesn’t come to those who spend their lives on the couch. But hey, who needs success anyway?
Aquarius: This week, your eccentricity will reach new heights, Aquarius. You’ll come up with all sorts of weird ideas that nobody else will understand or appreciate. But don’t worry, because you’ll convince yourself that you’re a misunderstood genius. Just remember, not all ideas are worth pursuing.
Pisces: Reality will be a harsh wake-up call for you this week, Pisces. You’ll need to come down from your dreamy cloud and face the real world. Unfortunately, your escapism will be stronger than ever, making it difficult for you to deal with any kind of responsibility. Good luck with that.