Aries: You will be met with obstacles and challenges at every turn this year. It’s almost as if the universe is conspiring against you. Good luck with that.
Taurus: Your stubbornness will continue to cause problems in your relationships. But hey, at least you’re consistent in your inability to compromise.
Gemini: Your indecisiveness will lead to missed opportunities and regrets. But hey, at least you’ll have a lot of options to choose from when you’re old and alone.
Cancer: Your emotional instability will cause chaos in your personal and professional life. But hey, at least you have your trusty box of tissues and Netflix subscription to keep you company.
Leo: Your ego will continue to get in the way of your success. But hey, at least you have your reflection in the mirror to admire.
Virgo: Your perfectionism will drive everyone around you crazy. But hey, at least you’ll have a spotless, organized home to retreat to.
Libra: Your desire for balance and harmony will be constantly thwarted by the chaotic world around you. But hey, at least you have a good excuse for not making any decisions.
Scorpio: Your intense emotions and suspicious nature will alienate those around you. But hey, at least you’ll have your trusty tin foil hat to protect you from the government’s mind control.
Sagittarius: Your wanderlust will lead you down a never-ending path of disappointment and unfulfilled dreams. But hey, at least you’ll have some great stories to tell at the bar.
Capricorn: Your workaholic tendencies will leave you feeling drained and unfulfilled. But hey, at least you’ll have a nice retirement account to enjoy when you’re too old to do anything else.
Aquarius: Your need for individuality and rebellion will only lead to isolation and loneliness. But hey, at least you’ll have your vinyl record collection to keep you company.
Pisces: Your dreamy nature will lead to confusion and disappointment in the real world. But hey, at least you have your imaginary friends to keep you company.