HORRORscopes for the week of Aug 7, 2023

Aries (March 21 – April 19):
You’re full of energy and enthusiasm this week, Aries. Unfortunately, it’s all going to be wasted on mundane tasks and pointless arguments. Try not to get too frustrated when your efforts go unnoticed, which they definitely will. Remember, the universe doesn’t care about your little victories.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20):
Your stubbornness knows no bounds, Taurus. This week, you’ll find yourself stuck in a rut of your own making. Despite everyone’s attempts to offer advice, you’ll ignore them all and continue down your predetermined path of mediocrity. Good luck with that.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20):
Oh, Gemini, you’re always torn between two conflicting desires. This week, you’ll find it even harder to make decisions, resulting in a whole lot of nothing getting done. Just remember, life is all about missed opportunities and regret, so embrace it.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22):
Your emotional rollercoaster is in full swing, Cancer. Brace yourself for a week of mood swings, tears, and overthinking every little detail. Remember, it’s only going to get worse from here.

Leo (July 23 – August 22):
Leo, your confidence is legendary, but this week it’s going to take a hit. You’ll be confronted with your own limitations and shortcomings, leaving you feeling somewhat deflated. Don’t worry, though, you’ll bounce back to your usual arrogant self soon enough.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22):
Your meticulous nature is both a blessing and a curse, Virgo. This week, your attention to detail will lead to a never-ending list of tasks and an overwhelming sense of dissatisfaction. No matter how hard you work, it will never be enough. Enjoy the perpetual feeling of inadequacy!

Libra (September 23 – October 22):
Balance? Ha! That’s just an illusion, Libra. This week, you’ll find yourself torn between conflicting priorities, unable to find any semblance of equilibrium. Just give up now and accept that life is a never-ending series of compromises.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21):
Your intensity is unmatched, Scorpio. Unfortunately, this week, it will scare away everyone around you, leaving you feeling even more isolated than usual. Embrace the solitude and brood like the dark, mysterious creature you are.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21):
Your wanderlust is strong, Sagittarius, but this week, your dreams of adventure will be squashed by the realities of everyday life. You’ll be stuck in the same old routine, yearning for escape but finding none. Welcome to the prison of monotony.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19):
Your ambition knows no bounds, Capricorn. But this week, you’ll realize that all your hard work and sacrifices have led to… well, not much at all. Embrace the futility of it all and join the ranks of the disillusioned.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18):
Your rebellious spirit is admirable, Aquarius. Unfortunately, this week, your attempts to challenge the status quo will be met with indifference. You’ll feel like a lonely voice crying out in the void. Keep fighting for change, even if no one is listening.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20):
Ah, Pisces, your sensitivity can be a curse. This week, you’ll find yourself drowning in emotions and struggling to make sense of it all. Just remember, life is an endless sea of confusion, so jump right in and sink to the depths of despair.