Aries: Congratulations, Aries! This week, you will continue to be your usual impulsive self. Your inability to think things through will lead to yet another series of disastrous decisions. Just remember, your reckless actions are always good for a laugh.
Taurus: Taurus, you will experience a major setback this week. Your stubbornness will prevent you from adapting to any changes, resulting in missed opportunities and a general feeling of frustration. Keep resisting change, because who needs personal growth anyway?
Gemini: Gemini, your dual nature will be at its peak this week. Your indecisiveness will leave everyone around you confused and annoyed. Just remember, being wishy-washy is a great way to keep your friends on their toes.
Cancer: Ah, Cancer, your oversensitivity will be at an all-time high this week. Every minor comment or gesture will send you spiraling into a sea of emotions. Remember, it’s always healthy to overreact and make everything about yourself.
Leo: Leo, your need for constant attention will reach new heights this week. Your dramatic flair and constant need for praise will drive your loved ones crazy. But hey, at least you’ll be the center of attention, right?
Virgo: Virgo, your perfectionism will be your downfall this week. No matter how hard you try, nothing will ever meet your high standards. Embrace your desire for unattainable perfection and revel in the disappointment that follows.
Libra: Libra, your inability to make decisions will continue to plague you this week. Your quest for balance will only result in more confusion and frustration. Just remember, no one really cares what you choose anyway.
Scorpio: Scorpio, your intense jealousy will consume you this week. Your suspicious nature will drive a wedge between you and your loved ones. Keep fueling your paranoia, because trust is overrated, right?
Sagittarius: Sagittarius, your restless nature will keep you from finding any real satisfaction this week. Your constant need for adventure and novelty will leave you feeling unfulfilled. But hey, at least you’ll have some good stories to tell, right?
Capricorn: Capricorn, your pessimism will be off the charts this week. Your gloomy outlook on life will bring everyone down around you. Embrace your inner Eeyore and spread that negativity like confetti.
Aquarius: Aquarius, your rebellious streak will be at its peak this week. Your need to go against the grain and challenge authority will only result in more chaos and discord. Keep fighting the system, even if it means alienating everyone around you.
Pisces: Pisces, your tendency to escape reality will be at an all-time high this week. Your dreamy nature will keep you from facing any real problems or responsibilities. Just keep swimming in your own little world, ignoring the mess you’re leaving behind.