Category: Horrorscopes

Aries: You’re going to have a great day today, Aries. Just kidding, your day is going to be about as exciting as watching paint dry. Don’t bother trying to accomplish anything, because the universe has already decided that you’re going to fail. Taurus: Tauruses, you might as well just stay in bed today. The stars aren’t aligned in your favor, and your efforts will be met with nothing but disappointment. Better luck tomorrow, if you’re lucky. Gemini: Today is a good day to stay away from any major decisions or life-changing events, Gemini. The planets have aligned to ensure that…

Aries: Well, well, well. Looks like another week of disappointment and unfulfilled dreams. Your impulsive nature will lead you down the wrong path once again. But hey, at least you’re consistent. Taurus: You’ll feel like a stubborn bull this week, refusing to budge from your comfort zone. Unfortunately, nothing great happens when you’re stuck in one place. Maybe try taking a risk for once? Gemini: Your dual nature will lead to confusion and indecisiveness this week. Are you feeling optimistic or pessimistic? Happy or sad? Who even knows anymore. Cancer: Your emotional rollercoaster will continue this week, with all the…

Aries: You will be met with obstacles and challenges at every turn this year. It’s almost as if the universe is conspiring against you. Good luck with that. Taurus: Your stubbornness will continue to cause problems in your relationships. But hey, at least you’re consistent in your inability to compromise. Gemini: Your indecisiveness will lead to missed opportunities and regrets. But hey, at least you’ll have a lot of options to choose from when you’re old and alone. Cancer: Your emotional instability will cause chaos in your personal and professional life. But hey, at least you have your trusty box…

Aries: This week, you’ll find yourself in a constant state of agitation. Your usual fiery energy will be replaced with a simmering annoyance that will make you want to snap at anyone who crosses your path. Good luck with that. Taurus: You’ll experience a sudden surge of laziness this week and will be tempted to skip out on all your responsibilities. This isn’t a good idea, but then again, when have you ever listened to good advice? Gemini: Your usual silver-tongued charm won’t be working as well as it usually does. In fact, you’ll find yourself saying all the wrong…